anyone has been left by partner?

[Gattone]

anyone has been left by the partner at the start or during the illness? it's been a year and a half when my partner left me and it's been really hard facing it alone, really crave her and her support sometimes i feel like i will never get a partner anymore because of the illness and this thought makes me feeel horibble and demotivated, but i can't ignore this thought anymore because it's so realistic

[alicewoolf]

hi gattone
yes my boyfriend left me after about 4 years I guess partly because he couldn't deal with my illness anymore but also because he wanted to get married etc and I just wasn't in a position to make plans like that. It wasn't easy especially as I had become used to his upport (he was amazing for the first few years) but I got used to being without him, hard as that was initially, and then I met someone afterwards. It is possible to be in a relationship/find someone even if you have CFS. stay strong. you won't be alone forever.

[lili2701]

yèes I agree with Alice, it's just a belief that u'll stay single because of CFS but u dont have to hold on that belief. some CFS pp have a bf or gf so can you. Believe in u and that even if right now u're not on top, u're worth to be with and u'll find someone who'll enjoy ur company. well at least that's what i'm trying to think!! i know it's hard, we're so not ourselfs with this illness!

[Gattone]

alice but how severe are you? i think it depends on this it's hard to think that a woman wants me in this conditions...

[alicewoolf]

Gattone to answer your question, I don't have severe CFS but I do get very bad bouts of exhaustion, pain etc mostly self-inflicted as I am constantly trying to keep up some sort of normality. But I see my boyfriend at the weekends we normally do something relaxing like dinner and cinema. Don't let the misery of CFS get you down. I am trying to stay positive- (its SO hard I know) and have a bit of fun here and there- it makes people want to be around you, despite the illness... You're italian right? where are you based?

[neil25]

Hi Gattone,

I am also a guy with cfs im only 25 and to be honest i think like yourself how can a girl have fun with me in this condition half the time i spend just managing my illness and not really living. However Ive decided to get rid of all the negative thoughts because life is too short people die on a daily basis because of many events by going through cfs its just made me reliase how important and blessed i am to be alive. I just take each day as it comes we really can't let negative stuff keep us down.

[Gattone]

yes i'm italian, from Rimini
i really miss my girlfriend , i'm still really angry beacause this illness ruined our relationship and she left, i used to have hope that she will be back and this gave me strength now i realize that is impossible and i'm falling apart..

[alicewoolf]

this illness wrecks everything including relationships. or at least its wrecked everything for me. can't speak for others. Relationships, work and life itself. But I am sure there must be a way out if we continue to fight. Sometimes I feel I can't go on even one more day but I guess there is no other choice. we have to believe there is life after CFS.

[annie]

yes, it happened to me too gattone, and it is so horrible. i am so, so sorry that you feel so ghastly. i know it sounds trite, but you will get over it, time heals, it does. though for a long time my heart felt totally broken, it is calmer now. all we can do is keep in touch with each other, and somehow, every day, find the will to decide to get better. your english is brilliant by the way.

[*Emerald*]

happened to me too.

he stuck with me for two yrs after i got ill, but in that time he had
numerous affairs (i didnt know, i was bedridden) and then when
our daughter turned 2 he ran off with my friend.

They did me a favour - he is still a cheating lying man messing around
behind yet another fiances back.

After a few yrs i met someone else (friend of a friend) who felt he
`wanted to look after me` and he put me thru such violence and terror
that frankly, has put me off relationships in a wat the cheating ex
never could. Maybe i was an easy target for a bullying wimp?

I dont see how i could meet someone else, i dont go anywhere that
would enable me to meet anyone but im lucky enough to have 3
kids to spend my time with. id be lost without them. And to be fair,
when i do go out its to do kids stuff and i dont want to share that
with anyone but my kids..

[Gattone]

I'm afraid that this is a really big issue for me maybe the biggest and the hardest to resolve, i realize that having no good relationship with a partner changes everything : i mean i feel totally lost, can't believe there is a cure ,can't manage the illness, feeling demotivated , overdoing etc.
i was doing a good job before, sometimes i got a lot better and swing to ups and downs now it's all downs,

i think that believing in recovery was in some way linked to the love relationship

[alicewoolf]

Gattone I think you're right that a loving relationship can be very 'healing' but I am trying to be my own friend and mentor. Ultimately you can't rely on other people in the way you can rely on yourself, though of course its normal to want company and affection from others. As Annie said time is a great healer. you probably don't believe that now but you'll look back on this one day and feel better about it, I'm sure.

[crmfghtr]

Yeah my first wife couldnt deal with it, so I got another 9 years ago, and fine now. If they left you then they really didn't love you that much and you are better off finding out soon.