eating disorders

[lili2701]

hello everyone

I know we mentionned briefly this prob in other threads and now I kinda becoming familiar with this board and you all, I thought I'd talk about the eating disorder issue I've been suffering for years.

I don't really know where it comes from exactly, I just know that when I was a child, I would throw food in the bin, I didn't like many food items (apart form sweets and chocolates of course), I remember my mums bf locking me out in the ceiling until I had finished my steak.
Anyway, my mum had to bring us up alone and she came up late after work so my bro and I usually stuffed our faces with everything that was in the fridge and cupboards. It got worse with time, I remember eating sweets every day and biscuits and I would switch to cheese and eat a lot but I was like 12 and didn't realise it was bad and my mum couldn't see what we ate and didnt realise it either. then I put on weight a bit and had huge hangups although looking back now I think I was fine, so I started watching my food intakes and by the age of 20 I would go mad, counting every calory, going to the swimming pool because I had eaten bread with nutella, tiring me out to loose all the calories and also thinking about a certain food until I have eaten it, having obsessive thoughts about food all the time.

Then CFS hit me when I was 23 and I first lost on weight and then gained weight but thanks to the gluten free diet I had to follow, i could limit the compulsions a bit more and it helped. With time, the obsessions have improved, the moments I have huge cravings are usually around my periods time, otherwise I can manage eating normally. My prob is that even when i'm full, I'd still eat, I don't always know when I'm full and should stop, I can eat even when I'm not hungry, or at least very often.

Last october i tried a low carb diet to restore my gut flora, it was a huge effort for me as carbs especially bread and pastas are the food i love the most and ate all the time. I lost a lot of weight but had huge detox symptoms and had binge eating moments like a whole pack of crisps, a pack os biscuits, chocolate mousse, nuts, etcetc, I really wonder if i dont have a whole in my stomach sometimes i dunno how it can hold so much food. I had this a few times along the diet which ruined everything of course and made me take on weight again, now i'm more than 4 kg I was back then, I can't even look at me in the mirror, I have it. im very small so one kg is already a lot!

Today it happened again, I was babysitting and couldnt help myself, I ate bread with nutella, speculoos (biscuits), full of them after my dinner then i thought tonight i wont eat anything but i did eat chorizo and chocolate again (my liver really hurts now, or the gallbladder more like as the liver doesnt hurt)

i feel so bad cos im trying to detox myself and to loose weight but it's like i have no control over it. the thing is food is all the pleasure I have in life, it's sad but it's the truth, i spend my days watching the telly, go shopping for my food, fortunately see my friends but not very often as they all work, i realise how addicted i am to food. I tried to vomit earlier but it wouldnt come out, i know i should never do that and cant believe i even tried but i cant bear the idea to put on some more weight.

do u also have eating disorders?

my doc explains it's because of the candidas (craving for carbs) and also from neurotransmitters that dont work properly
see: http://www.dietcure.com/
and of course it has another psyhological issues which have its roots in my childhood

i just felt i needed to talk about it cos I think I have a real issue with food. (many alcoholism issues in my family+suicides)

any tip is welcome!
some days I feel really strong and feel i'll make it but it's weird cos one minute i dont want to eat and the next i have huge cravings and cant control them! i see myself take the bread out and the other part of me says no no no but its like i have no control. also food helps me in the sense that it's like a compensation for feeling crap and also i'm often bored and then think all day about what i'll eat. Oh dear, I wish i wasnt food addicted!! it's worse than anything else cos when ure a alcoholic u dont drink and that's it but with food u're always tempted and u have to eat to survive.


anyway sorry for ranting, i guess we're alll having tough times at the moment

[alicewoolf]

Hi Lili sorry to hear you've been struggling with food/eating issues. I have had sdifficulties with food for much of my life (my mother is extremely slender and controlled around food and used to talk about being food being either 'virtuous' or 'sinful!). I don't think she meant us to follow her example but sure as eggs is eggs I and my two sisters are all have a difficult relationship with food, my middle sister is anorexic.

As you know I struggled for years either under-eating or bingeing but I really feel now that all that is behind me now. I can't tell you exactly WHAT I did to be free of it but I think like everything else it is a 'process'. Hunger is a major trigger for bingeing so try to keep yourself 'topped up' throughout the day by eating six small meals a day so that you're never so ravenous that you're ripping open the biscuit tin!

Also have you tried EFT on it? I am doing it whenever I have thoughts that trouble me during the day. It might take some of the emotional 'charge' out of certain foods. you probably want these foods because you are not allowing yourself them. I am eating really healthily at the moment and still allowing myself the occasional treat such as a biscuit, decaf coffee with cream etc. (It stops me from feeling deprived...) I like to think of it as a lifelong thing rather than some quick fix you can't stick to. Also next time you feel like eating the whole cake try cutting a small piece and savouring every mouthful?? If you can, buy smaller versions of everything...
good luck and let us know how you get on

[alicewoolf]

Lili I just re-read your post, please promise me you won't try to vomit again, (I know it's none of my business) but that's how bulimia 'proper' started for me. You say it didn't 'work' this time but if you keep trying you''ll invariably succeed and by then you'll be caught in the sticky trap. It's not the answer and I should know. It was a hell of a fight to stop and stay stopped. Not worth it. try not to worry about the weight until you're well. Alice

[lili2701]

thank you Alice! I think I had to get it out of my system. I also knew I had eating disorders but not that seriously. Today I havent stopped eating again, cheese, chocolate, bread, everything I cant. the prob is not only the weight but also the fact that it's banned to get rid of the candidiasis then i feel guilty and eat even more.
I thought vomiting just once would help u know I wont do it again cos I have very good periods when I dont need so much food, I'd just get rid of it for my own good, for my intestines to be better u know, but I cant, dunno why it wont get out, I know its bad, im totally aware of it but i'd do it just to help my system soothe more rapidly just this one time. I hate myself when I eat like that.

Yes EFT, the prob is that my mind goes past EFT and doesnt want to do it, its like "eat now, dont do EFT, eat now" its like i'm not myself it's crazy!! although i know EFT is really helping but the other part in me doesnt want help grrr it's weird. i cant recognize myself in these words really..
I'll try to change my mind tonight, watch videos or series.
It really helps talking about it, thank you very much, it seems like many of us are really down at the moment, it's weird. I'd love to be in London now, strolling on kensington high street and stopping at whole foods for lunch and then spending my money in clothes
the last time i went there was in july for a concert in wembley stadium, i miss it so much! i miss the starbucks and prêt -a-manger:-)

how are u feeling? are u getting better? do u sleep better?

[alicewoolf]

:Yes EFT, the prob is that my mind goes past EFT and doesnt want to do it, its like "eat now, dont do EFT, eat now" its like i'm not myself it's crazy!! although i know EFT is really helping but the other part in me doesnt want help grrr it's weird."

Yes i know how hard it is. I have the same thing with smoking. once I get it into my head to smoke even if i haven't smoked for weeks, there's no stopping me and I can't get myself to do EFT. I just run to the shop to get cigarettes!! Its like the brain is fixated on getting this forbidden thing in any way possible. and as you say there's also a healthy (or should that be unhealthy!) dose of self-sabotaging going on there somewhere. But I am sure it will get better in time. It did for me. Maybe don't wait until you get a full-blown attack of food cravings. do the EFT even when things are ok for you food-wise

Things are a bit better for me thank you for asking. slowly slowly maybe we'll all get back to a normal life somehow.

Do you come to London often? Shopping and lunch in ken high st sounds like my ideal day too! I went to school in hammersmith and we used to hang out in kensington after school. maybe next time you come we could meet. that might be funny! anyway just a thought.
alice

[lili2701]

hey Alice!

Yeah that would be indeed really nice to meet if I go to London! I want to go there alone cos if I dont feel ok, I can do what I want and at my own pace you know. We could then meet at Kensignton and have lunch there:-) I love Whole Foods, I cant wait to go back there! I'll check the eurostar prices, I think there's a promotion if I book it now!

I have decided not to worry about my weight anymore, only my health is important. and yes I'll deffo use EFT now more often, I refuse to binge eat and destroy myself like that again! and u know the worst is that when I have those crisis I tell myself that it's useless cos i wont feel better afterwards, that I'll still feel that emptiness and will want to eat more but I still do it grrr. According to Julia Ross, it's got nothing to do with will power but it's linked to chemicals and neurotransmitters in the brain. that's why L-tryptophan or HTTP5 can help for those cravings, aslo other amino acids.

Yesterday I wanted to try a monodiet, to help get rid of the toxins accumulated by the binge crisis (had eaten so much chocolate and bread) my gallbladder was in a bad state (swollen and hurting).
I have heard monodiets are really helpful when being ill (like the flu or sthg) or when u have overeaten.
U can do apples, pears, rice.. you can also switch from meal to meal, so apples for breakfast, pears for lucnh etc, it's not as hard as the same food item all day.

I think I dont tolerate apples too much, it tends to aggress my liver, I think.

Anyway, it's great u're feeling a bit better too, i think we're somehow bound to have lows, it's so not easy at times!

Anyway have a nice evening!

Carox

[alicewoolf]

Lili, glad you've decided to focus on your health rather than your weight though that can seem impossible at times. I am on a tricyclic antidepressants and I am forever reducing the dosage because over a certain amout really increases my appetite and then I get really depressed about my weight. My psychiatrist gets cross with me(!!) and I hate myself because I think I shouldn't be prioritising my weight over my wellbeing, but its so hard to say: I don't care about the way I look. I FEEL amazing when my body is slim and toned- it makes me so much more confident. Vain and superficial maybe but its a pretty common thing, especially for women..

Anyway as regards monodiets, if you think that's the way to go, but for me personally chopping and changing from one 'diet' to another really doesn't work in the long-term. While I agree that maybe its good to give your body a well-earned break from certain foods, its a well-known fact that a balanced diet with a bit of everything is the thing thats most effective.
would be great to meet if you do come to the UK. Lets see shall we?

Keep us posted on how you get on with everything
alice

[lili2701]

Re!
Can I ask, do ur anti-depressant help? Do you have many side-effects?

I've been struggling for years with insomnia when being highly stressed (gupta did work at some point while the strongest sleeping pills did not) but I still have times I can't seem to deal with them. For years I have decided to heal myself through natural stuff at all costs (like I said in another post, I followed a treatment of one of the most popular CFS specialist and only ended up having candidiasis on top of CFS cos of the antibiotics and antivirals he presribed me-that said he's a good doctor, I just dont like heavy treatments and really dont believe that at least in my case it is working)

I took anti-depressant a while back-about ten years ago- because I had panick attacks, I was kinda hemetephobic, maybe not that phobic but I was always scared to be sick in classes at uni and it got to the point that I skipped classes or had really bad panick attacks, including during my exams. I then took those and got better I think (can't remember much).

The psychiatrist I was seing for acupuncture a couple of years ago (he had specialised in it) told me millepertuis and other natural stuff like 5HTTP proved to be as efficient as prozac so I didnt take anything else. My prob is that I start taking stuff then stop. I dont know what I should take for these panick attacks because they dont happen every day, but only when i'm highly stressed not to sleep. I guess I should do the EFT every day for it and not just the day I'm stressed-same as bulimia really. So I'm thinking of taking anti-depressant but am scared it would worsened my liver and candidiasis issues.

Yeah monodiet is not the way to go, just for a day but it was too hard.
According to my profile-blood type A, vata, hypoglycemic, candidiasis, parasites, hypothyroid, dysbiosis and hypotension, I should eat:
as less fruits as possible
some veggies are banned
turkey and eggs are fine
as less carbs as possible-glutenfree
dairies should be avoided for a while until I get better


My therapist also told me to avoid all food containing amines and salycilates and it makes me so depressed cos it means avoiding:
all fruits, many veggies, processed meats like ham, almonds, avocado, coconut, olive oil (thats the one I prefer) and so on.. I dunno if I should do it because I'm not sure it'll be worth it. I wonder if tapping these sensitivities (if they really exist) out would help the same.

Anyway..
yeah London is not for tomorrow, I checked the website and its too expensive. Oh well, we'll see!
thanks for ur support, keep us posted too!!

carox

[alicewoolf]

I do generally believe like you that natural is better, but there are some situations where natural simply isn't enough to help us with what we're dealing with. While I don't believe anti-depressants are the panacea they're made out to be (its often the lazy doctor's answer to everything) I do still think they can really help during tough periods. I probably would have given up a long time ago if I hadn't carried on taking my anti-depressants. Put simply they keep me going through the hell of CFS. Side-effects are much talked about but they normally last a very short time a week or two.
For me the only problem with this group of drugs is that tricyclics are known to cause increase in appetite and weight gain. But thats a price i'm willing to pay for peace of mind. If you find the right one they can do wonders for anxiety. Its a case of trying them on for size, so to speak.
As for 5-HTP I tried it and it did nothing for me.
The problem with these very restrictive diets is that in the end you find you can't eat anything because everything is bad for you! I think the body needs as many nutrients as possible. For me the ideal diet is protein based (chicken, fish bit of red meat but not much, cheese), with a limited amout of complex carbs rice, potatoes, lots of vegetables, soups, water, small amounts of fruit (like one apple a day), natural bio yoghurt, and absolutely NO processed sugar. It works for me though I realise everyone is different.

good luck!!
alice

[lili2701]

yeah i know what u mean about the weight but i feel the same, i'm so scared to put on weight and my doc says i shouldnt be thinking about that at all but it's easier said than done, i feel really fat, i've never been so fat before and today i had another crisis
i had at lunch 14 slices of bread with butter and nutella then at 3 i was hungry, i ate 2 eggs and 2 pears then hungry again, I ate 50 gr chocolate, some bicscuits and some sesam bars aie aie aie oh my god i cant beleive i've eaten that lot lol and i could go on, except it aches a bit..
each time i say i wont do it again and then i do it grrrrrrrr will try harder, the thing is ill see someone for the diet ill have to follow according to candidas, and food intolerances so i thought ok ill eat bread one last time it wont make any difference now and then i couldnt stop..

anyway sorry for ranting, itll get better i know it.

i also think sometimes allopathy is necessary, i might have to take anti-depressants too, i dunno, i'll see how things go.. cant u take some that dont increase ur appetite? how are things going at the moment?

have a nice evening!
carox

[alicewoolf]

You're right, it will get better in time. Its horrible when it keeps happening, but I can promise you once you're out of the negative cycle you'll look back and wonder why you did it! I look back on my years with bulimia and wonder both 1)how I got into that negative rut and 2) how I got out of it!!! I use to go to the local shop and buy loads of chocolate, cakes etc and eat them all until my stomach hurt and then promise myself I would never do it again. One thing is to try and recognize what triggers the overeating. that'll help you to stop. Also you say you're going to give up bread- are you sure you need to? the reason these restrictive diets don't work is that the brain panics and says right I'm not going to be able to have X/Y/Z for ages, so I'd better have LOTS of it now. Allow yourself a bit of bread, small amounts of sweet things etc and see how that goes.

As for me, I am ok just about managing to keep my head above water. I am incredibly tired, resting a lot waiting and hoping for better and brighter days when this nightmare is behind me.

Alicex

[alicewoolf]

p.s. this song really cheers me up when I'm feeling low.

I will Survive: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=94ZU6CVM2qk

[lili2701]

hello Alice!
I'm sorry to hear it is still so hard for u at the moment. BTW what are the cause of your CFS?
I know bulimia will go away, it's just a phase, I think the fact that I'll have my periods (I have a month and a half delay) and the fact that I'm lost as to what I can eat or not were the triggers, even though I have an issue because I could eat all day, I love food and eat even when I'm not hungry. I have posted my issue on an EFT forum and they're really helping! they're giving me tips as to how tap etc..
the thing with my diet is I have a leaky gut and candidiasis, i've been intolerant to gluten, nuts and dairies in the past (IgG antibodies) and now have candidiasis and because of that I have a strict diet. I dont think it would make a huge difference if I ate organic bread now and then because (a therapist im seeing tells me that and i beleive it too) what is the most important is what we think, if we eat it thinking it'll hurt my stomach, then it will even more, if we eat it thinking itll help, then the body gets a different message. of course eating tons of junk food and thinking it wont be bad for ur body is stupid lol we're smart enough to know what to do! but my issue is that one slice of bread is not enough, i feel i need to eat until i'm full and eating just a bit frustrates me even more. so yes maybe the strict diet can be a trigger but at the same time it's helped me control what i eat a bit more. I have to work on the core issue and when i've got rid of this bulimia, obessive eating behaviour, I'll be able to eat one slice and be satisfied and stop there. It's an every day work. its hard cos i want to tap on other things too like insomnias, anxiety, candidias, thyroid, colon etc its hard to focus!

yes i know that song!! of course we'll survive!!
sometime si'd like to have a bf and sometimes i think i would be a burden to him, i dont know. i think it would help in some way, i know we have to be happy with ourselves before being happy with someone else but it helps in some way, have a bit of affection, take ur mind of things without discharging ur problems over him, that's where the difference is!

anyway will do a bowel cleanse now to help my poor gallbladder!
i have a recipe to cleanse it in a week time and will start tomorrow, its less aggressive than Dr Clark's
it is:
drink 4-6 oz organic apple juice evry morning and night for one week
then after one week and after dinner drink 4-6 oz olive oil and 4-6 lemon juice, lay on the right side for 30 min and go to bed
the following day in the morning drink 4-6 oz water or juice with 3TBS of epsom salt

we'll keep u posted on how it went!

have a good evening!

caros

[alicewoolf]

Hi Lili/Caro, not sure which one is your name!!?? Will write soon tomorrow (feeling terrible right now no energy) but I just wondered which EFT forum you go on. Would also like some advice on a few things) thanks.
have a good rest of the day
alicex

[lili2701]

oh Alice, sorry to hear u feel aweful! hope u will feel better tomorrow! dont worry about answering there s not much to say anyway!

the forum is the official one:http://eftcommunity.emofree.com/forums/

u have to be approved though but its fast!

sorry my names Caroline but i took lili as a nick, it doesnt make much sense lol!