How about relationships?

[Gattone]

How did you manage relationships after illness? obviously my girlfriend left... my friends don't understand and i fear to loose them too, because relationships are something to keep alive , is also diffucult to explain this situation someone may think you do not have "will" and see you as a crap and this also worsen the relationship
I also think i can't ever stay with a woman anymore, women wants "strong" men.Who wants to be a "nurse"?
How coiuld i "stop" this?This seems a real big issue
i mean it is not just a thought it is happening...

[ldg]

I don't have a "relationship" which is fine by me. I have two close friends, both I met after meeting CFS, one has CFS has well. CFS people do have relationships and they can be are limiting.
If anyone disputes my condition I don't have anything to do with them, this includes my mother.
Not all women want "strong" men.

[Jj85]

I think that the key is to not care anymore, as hard as that sounds. For now, we can only worry about ourselves. I'll worry about starting new friendships and relationships once I'm feeling better. This is probably what's most difficult about all of this. My parents have been very understanding; this whole thing for me has actually, I think, improved my relationship with my dad. Some friends have been very understanding. Some haven't. I consider myself lucky that I have at least a few people that I can depend on when I really need to vent (which I know we're not supposed to do).

One thing to remember is that a lot of us would feel the same way about all of this had we never gotten ill. It's really tough, but when I put myself in someone else's shoes, I can sometimes see how potentially ridiculous this all seems, and that makes it a little easier.

All that said, if someone knows you well, and is definitely in a place to understand that you're not yourself because of the illness, anyone (male or female) who's going to leave you or stop being friends with you over this was never worth it in the first place.

[neil25]

i agree with j85, since getting cfs i have had to find more interests/hobbies which i can do on my own cos a lot of my other friends go out drinking which i can't do anymore. although i still go out but don't drink and come home early.

[Emergo]

My wife and I are still together although it's been a rough ride for most of the last couple of years. Sometimes I feel it made our relationship stronger, on some points it was wrecking. I admire my wife for being so strong that she stayed with me, because it's not such a stretch to see what might have happened. And on being worth your love or friendship; it's very though to have such a severely ill partner.
I also have a small child and - how awful this may sound - wish I was alone, because as a father and a husband I am often driven to meet their needs (most times conflicting with mine).

I think the real secret is to just deal with the situation and not wishing it to be different. It isn't! Sometimes it's lovely to have people taking care of you, sometimes it's better when you are alone and can go your own way. Accepting maybe the hardest thing to do at times, but gives the least amount of stress.

After all; we're breaking this stress/ adrenaline cycle to get back out in that world again (and do meet love see the ones we want to).

[hgiertler]

How about relationships? Good question!

I met my wife one year before my CFS came about and we got married 4 years later in
2004. It's often been tough but I suppose I am lucky. She pretty much fully understands
and accepts our life at the lowest sociAl level.

My mum and brother sort of understand too. They know who I was before CFS.

But with friends it can get difficult. Some understand a bit but love to tell me that
they think it's psychological.
Pretty difficult to make friends if you don't have much energy.

[CS1]

CFS's major component is largely Psycological - if you would have told me this 5 years ago I would have laughed.

Through experience Ive discovered it is for me - when you reverse the PSychological Stressors / traumas with breathing exercises, yoga, stretches, meditaiton, visualisation and boost your health with diet, detox and exercise this will be enough to reverse the biological aspects.


I have been on the Gupta programme over 6 months - in hindsight i wish I had been seeing the life coach ASWELL as doing the programme. She is aware of all the diferent modalities to calm your nervous system down ie NLP, time line, hypnotherapy,EMDR,EFT, chakra balancing etc

For the first time I REALLY see light at the end of the tunnel - no one should go through this experience by themselves - I really think that my LIFE coach was the missing factor.



Regards
CS

[ldg]

Life coach Huh? Interesting. I think discipline is also really important which I am sadly lacking. I tried listening to the visualisation last night and I just could not do it. I need a different program each day or something.

[Gattone]

life coach do you mean terapist?? or something like nlp...