Self confidence, self esteem

[Emergo]

Hi all,

After being 1 year on the ARP, I noticed that my agmygdala is still not fully retrained. Feeling better and I'm less anxious about being ill or symptoms - yeah! - but they seem to be replaced by other fears.

I've been ill for 5-10 years and in that period I feel I have 'devalued' - work, income, appearance (body), sexual performance, relationship - they all are on a level that doesn't feel good. I also found out that the line of work I was in was not good for me, but at age 40 it seems impossible to get back to work in the writing business without any education and hardly any experience. I feel very unsure - fear! - about what to do.

I could make the list a lot longer, but it all comes down to lack of self confidence, self esteem. Maybe even trust in life. Before getting ill, this was no problem, but having ME made me feel less about myself and this - of course - I take with me in all things I do, enlarging the problem.

Can't imagine I'm the only one. I would really appreciate any sharing of feelings or help on this issue. I feel that this is my last hurdle to full health. But it also feel like one I can't overcome... How to boost your self confidence again?

Thanks for listening!

E

[JR]

Hi Emergo--

This is timely for me. I'm turning 40 soon and have been noticing just how low my self-esteem is. I've been ill, at varying degrees for almost 20 years, and it CAN take it's toll. Sometimes I'm overcome with the loss of so much potential...there are so many things I COULD do, given a stronger body. I'd like to do whatever I can to fulfill this potential, within my current capabilities, but sometimes I feel paralyzed by it all.

The times I've felt the best about myself have been when I've been well enough to see clients, even very part-time (I'm in a mental health/counseling type field). Then, I felt like I was making a contribution, plus it gives one something to say when asked "what do you do?". I'm doing a lot of soul searching these days, which I think isn't uncommon for anyone at this age. I'm trying to figure out what I can do to feel that my life has meaning and purpose, even if I can't yet work to the same degree as other people. I've started a new business in the past near, which has turned out to be too much for me, stress-wise, so I'm scaling back on that. I think that all of this may take some creativity and patience. I think I'll need to have the courage to accept myself, just as I am....and learn to stop worrying what other people may or may not think of me. Easier said, than done, I know. So, I'm starting with little things: listening to some Eckhart Tolle, reading good books, stretching each day, listening to more music that feeds my soul, reaching out to friends who are struggling in their own way, to try to be a support for them.

Anyway, just wanted to let you know that I can relate to what you said. Hang in there!

[CS1]

Great!!

Explore inner child work - in my case my trauma started at young age and Im having success with making the connection to traumatic events as a child and resolving these issues- these are my CORE issues!

Then like yourself - looking into my belief system and self development.

Continue with AR - this has been the only constant in my recovery!!!


Regards
CS

[neil25]

I hear many people on here talking about traumas in their childhood or prior to when they got ill. I got to be honest I don't really have any major traumas. I had a very priviliged childhood and my family has always loved me. Before I got ill i did have the usual everyday stresses like girls, deadlines, school ect but nothing major. So i'm finding it hard on what to work on. I suppose pretty much all my dark times have been since I got ill, before life was amazing.

[Emergo]

Thanks all for sharing!

I have been exploring childhood trauma's and stuff, but believe that I've been succesful at that. To quote my therapist: 'all that was ever wrong is gone now - what remains is just fear'. That's great, but also: then how to get rid of the fear? Just do it? Just retrain the Amygdala some more?

I also feel that I have been looking for alternatives for lack of confidence - mainly therapists and my wife. That's not a good thing, because when they decide to leave you are left on your no-confidence-at-all-own.

At this moment, I feel I NEED to do a lot - save my marriage, get a better health, get back into work and earn money and it all feels like too much. Maybe it's like you say JR: don't worry too much about others and do what you need to do. But that's a hard thing to practice, I find. They seem to be hard to combine and in conflict with getting better because they cause stress. But how can you remain calm about getting better, have faith that the financial situation will be better whilst you know that the one you love will be out of the door? And on the other hand: say your wife doesn't leave, you will have to sacrifice your health. This is a bit of a rambling game and circle thinking, but I also need some reflection...

Thanks - again - for listening