My diary of being on the Programme

[CFSGeek]

Well l have to say that in general I am very pleased with the results that I am seeing.

I have been on another two business trips - last week and this week - I write this from a departure lounge - and have been able to manage pretty well. Last week I got a stomach bug from my children, but it felt as if the recovery time from this was much faster than usual. I did experience a dip after it, but I trusted that it would pass which helped considerably.

I am still trying hard to apply all the techniques whenever I can - I find that I try to rush almost all activities, and I tense up as I do it. I'm stopping this whenever I can and applying the "slow motion" technique. I am also applying the "The Journey is the Destination" principle which really helps as well - just trying to do enjoy whatever I'm doing, rather than get it over with as fast as possible.

I rewatched the main retraining session and found this hugely motivational and gave me a large amount of energy.

My brain fog has largely gone, and my tolerance of alcohol is much better. Previously I found that just one drink would slow my thoughts down so much that I would be unable to participate in conversation in a restaurant or bar. I would then get frustrated and depressed which made things worse again. I can have a couple of drinks easily now and not experience this.

The IBS is not sorted yet and I am frankly still afraid of trying exercise, but in general the improvements have been terrific. I must pace myself and not go at things too hard and set myself back again!

[valerie]

Pleased that things are going well for you. Yes the journey really is the destination and the journey to health needs to be taken slowly, patiently, and without any pressure to get well yesterday!

It's surprising what a difference improving the breathing makes and I think it's this which is improving my sleep patterns.

[CFSGeek]

Well this morning I am very encouraged because I feel like I have moved up a level. I had a busy week last week and then a busy weekend. On Sunday I went to the Science Museum all day and would normally expect to find that a struggle - but did lots of walking and managed. I slept very well last night and feel a bit tired today but nothing out of the usual.

I did notice that yesterday evening the negative thoughts "I'll be tired in the morning" etc etc did start to pop into my head but I tried to quickly stop them and apply the techniques. I also noticed some brief muscle aches in my hands, but again just thought "Oh well, they'll be gone soon".

I've also noticed that many of my thoughts now are delight and amazement that I can do more - strictly speaking I suppose these are thoughts about my body, so should I be stopping them????

I think the good weather and sunshine of Spring in the UK also has a very positive affect on mood. I guess all these things add up.

[CFSGeek]

Well it's been a little while since I posted but it's because I have been so busy. I find that I compare how I feel with a time in the past - and I now feel like I did well before I realised I was ill. I seem to be able to work now at pretty much 100%, but find that I am tired at the weekend. It's like I postpone the tiredness until I can really relax. This used to happen to me before I was really ill but I didn't recognise it then. The difference now is that I can recognise symptoms and can act upon them before they become a problem.

I have largely stopped doing the main technique now - I've kind of fallen out of the habit that I had learnt, because the symptoms were becoming less and less. I then become complacent, do too much, the symptoms return a bit, I have negative thoughts, and I indulge them and forget to do the technique.

I'm meditating regularly which I find really helpful. I compared notes with my wife (she does not have CFS) on this - we meditated together one day, and she tells me that after a few minutes her mind just clears. Mine very rarely does this - it just calms down, but I still have lots of thoughts coming in all the time. I guess this is one of the reasons for CFS.

I must remember that I committed to do this for six months and not get back into stuff too soon! It's kind of like I have a self-destruct programme that takes over as soon as I feel like I'm getting better. But at least I can recognise this now and have something to sort it out with.

Anyway, overall I would say I am at around 85% to 90% now if I consider work, which is where I feel most confident; in social, non-work situations I feel about 70%; and for exercise I would say still around 40% really. But I think the trend is that they are all improving - just need to keep it gong steadily and NOT overdo it! I have no doubt whatsoever that the GAR is doing this for me, and I thank my lucky stars I found it.

[Recovery Soon]

CFS Geek-

Your diary is interesting to watch. Glad to see you're feeling better.

You said your exercise capacity is about 40%. Are you currently exercising now? If so, how much?

Thanks.

[CFSGeek]

Hi Recovery Soon

When I said "exercise", I really meant "physical activity". At my worst, I was unable to walk a few hundred yards without feeling tired and ill. I'd put myself there at 10 - 20%.

I can now walk a mile or two fairly comfortably and kick a football around in the garden with my 5 year old. I guess this means 40% to me compared with say bed bound (which I never was) at 0% and training regularly (which I was 10 years ago) at 100%.

I almost feel ready to start some deliberate "exercise" - eg running, cycling, weight training - but frankly the idea scares the hell out of me (Stop, Stop, Stop!!!!) - and I've got so busy with other things that I'm worried that taking on more will set me back again. I guess it's a question of priorities.

[Recovery Soon]

Thanks.

Your case seems very similar to mine. and I'm curious to see how you rebound to exercise.

I can still do active things like you mentioned. But when I do a formal exercise I get a reaction the following the day that lasts for weeks. I'm curious to see if that happens with you, or if it will gradually disappear for you like your other symptoms seem to be doing.

In case, keep posting. Your recovery is interesting to follow.

[CFSGeek]

Hi Recovery Soon

This was the reason why I started another thread asking how people have got back into exercise as I wanted to understand how they have done it!

My logic has been something like this ....

I know that on a good day there is a level of exercise which will not result in a dip for me (eg walking a mile). Then there is a high level of exercise which I am pretty certain will result in a dip (eg running a mile).

My assumption is that there is a level of exercise in between the two which does not result in a dip (eg walking one mile + running 10 yards). If I can keep increasing this level slowly then I can retrain the Amygdala not to react to the level of exercise I am doing.

So my plan is to try to do these gradual increases, rather than a big bang "training session". Let's see if it works! Have you tried anything along these lines?

[Recovery Soon]

CFS Geek- I haven't tried a consistent graded exercise therapy where I was doing what you suggest. But I was walking a few miles a day last summer.

I can't say that my exercise capacity increased during that period. It seemed to follow the normal ebb and flow of peaks and dips, as is the case with CFS in general.

The frustrating part for me is that I actually have the energy to exercise at a high level, as opposed to others who are unable to do this. But if I try it even at a moderate level, it just triggers those viral symptoms a day later. Even though getting through the workout is no problem.

[Sylvia]

[i]The frustrating part for me is that I actually have the energy to exercise at a high level, as opposed to others who are unable to do this. But if I try it even at a moderate level, it just triggers those viral symptoms a day later. Even though getting through the workout is no problem.[/i]

So Recovery Soon, is your activity level that of a 20 something? Like working full time, you can go out at night until 2 or 3 and be fine the next day? Is alcohol and getting drunk possible? Have you tried just to see what happens?

I wonder if the alcohol and full-out exercise is connected? Maybe Ashok can speak to whether these are the last two things to heal? Any marathoners, musclebounds, basketball players? Any alcoholics? I sure hope he gets some of his 100% success stories to come here and speak to it.

As you know, I'd just be pleased to be able to support myself, that is all. Being dependent for 20 years in an unkind situation has been a living hell.
[/b]

[Recovery Soon]

Sylvia,

My activity level is working full-time and feeling crappy through much of it. Sometimes I feel as though I'm inches from a collapse, but eventually an upswing saves me. I just have to hang in there. This is where I have gotten help from the program, I don't fear the collapse like I used to.

Alcohol- I will drink alcohol 3 or 4 times a year. Generally the reaction is that the hangover lasts for a week or two, at the same intensity a regular person might feel it for a day. Last summer I drank til 5AM, and it devastated me for a full month. (Funny, how the symptoms in many ways are similar to a hangover). But, as a general rule I am strict about going to bed by 9:30 or 10, and not drinking. Any deviation from the sleep cycle has bad consequences.

As far as exercise, I don't generally attempt it, because I've been stung too many times. I think cardio is completely out of the question. I have gotten away with very light weight workouts without consequence. Yet, the same amount of exercise done at a different time will trigger the severe Viral symptoms 36 hours later, so its hard to formulate a pattern.

I used to think it was all moving in the right direction, but at this point, it just all seems random.

I appreciate the severity of your situation, and can only imagine how bad your helplessness must feel.

I'm sure an invalid, amputee or terminally ill person might envy your position. It's all a matter of perspective I guess.

BTW- If you can walk quickly for 30 minutes a day on a treadmill, might you be able to work and improve your situation?

[CFSGeek]

Well, there we are, I became complacent and overdid it.

I've been working on a sales opportunity overseas and leading up to delivering a difficult proposal by a deadline - and I was enjoying the work, so working hard, drinking lots of coffee, eating bad food, and also going out in the evenings and having a couple (literally only a couple!) of drinks. I was also hardly doing any of the technique except meditations whenever I could.

Some of the original symptoms were starting to appear - less good sleep, getting a bit tetchy with people, the "fluster point". Then the week before last I came down with laryngitis, mouth ulcers, swollen glands, absolutely knackered etc - and this took me out of pretty much everything for a week or so - I just took the week off work. This is what used to happen to me before I realised I was ill, but I would ignore it / get stressed / try to work through it. This time I just quit work for the week, told myself it was a bad dip and I would get through it.

Just starting to come out of it now and feel a bit better - but now determined to learn the lesson - got to not get complacent, look after myself and stick to the AR technique! Seems easier said than done, particularly when you are feeling better.

So I'm starting again from scratch now ...

[neil_l]

Alcohol is a killer for me since going on to the AR program.

I gave up 6 years ago and started again about 1 year ago. I found some real benefits to drinking alcohol with friends as a means of relaxing.

However, since I started AR I am now massively intolerant of it again. I still have the odd night, but even 2 bottles of beer can have me feeling terrible again for days.

[CFSGeek]

After the week off work with laryngitis I took a further week off work last week as vacation because it has been the school Easter vacation here in the UK. I've started a 'buddy' technique with another forum member here - we tell each other by email what we're planning to do for the week in terms of the technique and then report back a week later in an attempt to see if we can stick to it.

The week has been really good. I've felt almost normal for much of the week. I've started doing some of the summer jobs in the garden, and noticed a couple of things:

1. During every day activities at work and home, like using the computer, playing with the kids etc, I have few negative thoughts now that need the technique applying to them. But when I start a different activity, like mowing the lawn, or other physical activity like moving things around in the garage, I find the negative thoughts ("Am I going to get a dip from doing this" etc etc) come crowding back - so I have to use the technique more often.

2. In comparison with this time last year when I was doing similar tasks, but did not even know about the AR techniques, I have now really adjusted my mental attitude. In the past I would rush to try to get simple jobs like mowing the lawn done in a certain time, and then move straight onto the next job. Now I enjoy doing the work, and then sit in the sun and rest and perhaps close my eyes and do a short meditation. It seems to make a real difference.

Back to work this week, and trying to apply all this to work situations as well ...

[CFSGeek]

Well I'm sorry that I haven't posted for so long - but the fact is I have been very busy with all sorts of things! I'm now about four and half months in.

I do feel that I have made a great deal of progress, although there are various things that I would still like to fix.

But the fact is that I very rarely have dips to speak of now. I have the energy I want to do things almost every day. I can have long conversations with people without problems, which had always been one of the main problems - social interactions.

I've been swimming twice in the last month (ten very slow 25m lengths), and had very minor dips, but nothing like what I used to - and the next day I seemed to be fine.

This week on Monday I played an energetic one hour of singles tennis, which is my favourite sport. I have not played tennis for almost 3 years, and I was a bit nervous about it. I was tired afterwards, but I have not (yet) had a dip. I really enjoyed it and got confidence from it.

I do get more tired than I would like but I have to say that the improvement is pretty good. I think now that no one activity scares me, whereas before everything did; it's now if my diary fills up with several events consecutively I wonder when I will get the chance to recover and calm down.

I also find myself genuinely looking forward to doing various things, rather than feeling like I had to because that's what well people do. This is really positive for me.

So definite progress, but I need to use the technique more! I get very complacent.

I'm watching the DVDs in order again now which is motivating, and I am also hoping to get a one-to-one with Ashok soon as a further motivator.

Hope all is going well with others too.